Study Finds Average Long Island Pothole Now Older Than Three Town Supervisors Combined

LONG ISLAND — A study released Monday found that the average Long Island pothole is now older than three town supervisors combined, a result the authors called geologically impressive and municipally unsurprising. Researchers dated each hole by the layers inside it. Most contained a 2019 leaf, a 2022 campaign palm card, and a traffic cone that had been there so long it had its own mailing address.

We tried to fill one. The pothole filed a comment asking to be recognized during public portion. We tabled the fill material pending further study.

The oldest specimen, in the middle of a lane residents have named informally, predates the current form of the town board meeting. The report recommended a new unit of time, the supervisor, equal to one term plus the special meeting that follows it. By that clock, several holes are entering a second century. The authors declined to rank towns, explaining that every hole had asked to be listed as under review.

I stopped swerving. I drop the car in and climb out the other side. It is faster than the light, and the light has also applied for historic status.

A highway yard has begun storing cold patch in a cabinet marked 'for the next administration,' which the study counted as a kind of sediment. The cabinet has a label maker. The label maker has a backlog. Residents who swerve in unison were classified, for the paper's purposes, as a migratory pattern.

At press time, the oldest pothole had been named chair of the committee looking into it, and had requested a bigger hole for the nameplate.