Party Bosses Announce Bipartisan Agreement To Keep Blaming Each Other

MINEOLA, N.Y. — County party chairs announced a bipartisan agreement Monday to keep blaming each other, ending weeks of concern that the two organizations might accidentally agree about a road. The one-page pact, signed in a hallway and immediately described as historic, commits each side to hold the other responsible for the weather, the tax bill, and any meeting that runs past the printed agenda.

This is what cooperation looks like. We cooperated on the font. They will blame us for the font, and we have already drafted our disappointment in the font they blamed us for.

A joint schedule will make sure the statements never go out on the same afternoon, so residents can experience them one at a time. Both documents were identical, including the sentence that the other side had added that sentence. The agreement renews automatically unless one side takes credit for renewing it, in which case it also renews, only louder.

The flyer on my door said they were fighting for me. I did not realize they meant fighting in general, on a schedule, with matching folders.

Staff on both sides have been issued the same red pen and instructions to circle the other letterhead. A shared photocopier, neutral as Switzerland and louder, produced every copy. Someone had labeled the tray 'for the record' and the other tray 'for the other record.'

At press time, each chair had issued a statement blaming the other for the press release that announced the blame, and both statements fit on one page if you used both sides.